There I sat in my easy chair, surrounded by friends and family… never suspecting the evil thoughts going through the mind of the furry ball sitting across the room from me.
Never knowing that the revenge of a cat is a dish best served cold.
My memory flashes to earlier that day, as my pretty, long-haired, cat named Eva found herself in a spot of trouble. She had been out adventuring that morning, and got herself quite dirty in the process. Being the kind, loving owner I was, I decided she would need a nice, soapy bath. She complained, of course, but I was determined, and, a few minutes and 10 cuts later, she stood clean and griping at me about her lot in life.
Oh, little did I understand the plot already forming in her cat brain. Little did I know that when her plan came to fruition, I would be the one with embarrassment and humiliation.
A group gathered together at my house that evening, with pleasant conversation and good food. Quite nice, it was, with joy filling all of our hearts. But that would not last long, would it, dear, lovely, Eva?
No… there you lay, all innocently appearing to be asleep on the couch, while I sat across the room in my easy chair, surrounded by friends and family and nothing but happiness in my heart…
I was at that moment laughing about something or other, surely just an inane moment of levity, and you chose that moment, that moment of pure bliss, to strike. I remember the sudden surge of movement, the white streak as you flew across the room, literally bounding over three other people as you made your way to my lap.
There you stood, back legs upon mine, and your front legs upon my chest, and I remember looking down at you and smiling, the joy of my laugh still on my lips, as you then, swiftly, turned around and, literally inches away from my unsuspecting and innocent nose, loudly farted the worst cat fart that has ever occurred in the history of cats, before or since.
Oh, yes… the scent of cat food, with a hint of fish mixed in, aimed into my nostrils, and satisfied, you jumped down from my lap, walked nonchalantly across the room, lay back down in the exact spot you had been residing upon, and fell back asleep.
Did your dreams please you as the sound of my loving friends and family laughed at me for the next hour?
She’s horrible, but dang me, I still love her.
If you would like to support Ira in his efforts to help feed his family, please consider becoming a member of Medium. A portion will be given to him at no extra cost to you, and you’ll not only be helping this blind man take care of his needs, you’ll also be supporting every other author on Medium, as well. Please go here to begin your membership today!
