I posted this on my Facebook page a couple of weeks ago, and thought I would share it here, as well. This is the situation a lot of authors go through when they try to write.
As I prep myself to start writing my new novel, “The Eternals Game,” I realize I am going through “That moment” again.
I have always been a writer. I love to tell stories, to bring people to a special place they only share with me. I love to make my readers think, feel, BE there.
I also feel I suck. I feel I cannot do this. I feel I am not worthy of anyone opening up my books and reading even a single word.
You see, years ago, I was together with a person who found pleasure in bringing me down. She took great pains to make me feel as bad as she could, and, before the end came, she took everything I had written and tossed it all to the fire.
Gone. Everything gone in a moment. All of my little brain children destroyed.
It took a long time for me to recover from it, but I finally did and started to put my fingers on the keys again to let words flow.
A few years later, another woman I was together with decided, in a moment of rage and petulance, to destroy everything, before leaving the relationship. She took everything – computer, backups, clothes, you name it. The only thing I had left was the clothes I wore to work that day and the car I drove to get there.
After that, it took nearly 10 years before I wrote a single word again.
Now, whenever I start a new project, I find myself with the argument in my head. It’s a familiar one, one that is almost comfortable, in a sick sort of way.
“I suck. I can’t do this. No one cares. No one will ever like what you do. Why even try?”
It goes on from there.
Fear really is a terrible thing. When that fear is from a traumatic experience (or experiences), it makes us feel things about ourselves we would never have felt otherwise.
It’s disempowering, it leads us to believe things about ourselves we do not deserve.
I’ve learned how to push through it all, and I do not let it stop me, but I thought, since it is something I am going through right now, I would share it with you, because I do not think I am alone.
Whatever you are going through, whatever pain you have in your past, in your heart, in your subconscious, don’t let it control you. Don’t let those people who victimized you before to keep victimizing you now.
Show them you are, in spite of their petty ways and horrible actions, something they will never understand.
Please, share this with people you know need to hear these words. You never know who is needing it right now.