Coincidentally, earlier today I saw a post from someone on a Facebook group for authors I am in that asked what it was like when we who have been published held our first published book.
I thought it would be interesting to share my own experience with it. Why? Because, why not?
While it was not the first book I published, the first one I actually received as a copy from my publishers was Silent Steps, the first book in the Takiq series.
It was one year ago, almost to the day today, that I got that book in the mail and felt it. Touched it. Smelled it.
I turned the pages, going from one to the next, reading the words written on the paper and I was … shocked? I guess that is the right word for it.
I could not believe, after so many years of trying to find publishers, trying to work through the fears and disempowerment I had gone through each time I wrote something down, that there I was, holding my own book in my hands.
I actually ended up crying a little bit. Not in that moment, because it was too overwhelming and there were other things I had to process. But, later that night, after everyone went to bed and I was sitting up with it next to me on my desk, I picked it back up again and held it to my chest, realizing the moment had come when I actually could feel like I had done something worthwhile. It was then the tears began to flow.
It has been my dream, since I was a small child, to have people read the stories I write. I went through some real nightmare situations to get to the point I could actually offer up the words to a publisher and, to my great surprise, have them accept them.
Did I feel I “made it”? No, I knew the hard part was still to come. But I felt a great relief. A huge weight lifted from me, knowing I had a chance. I had done what I had always dreamed of doing.
I shared my worlds, shared the visions in my head, shared the people living inside of me.
I was home.
That’s what holding my first book meant to me. I had come home.
I still feel the exact same way when I hold that book, and all of the other books I have published.
I know I will feel it again when my copy of “Penitence” comes in and I pull it from the box.
Thank you all for helping to make all of it possible.